Drop out, Liz.
Election season is upon us! The Iowa caucuses are now just hours away — and with voting just around the corner, (often turbulent) polling data begins flooding in. The current Iowa leaders, Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden, appear neck-and-neck: FiveThirtyEight’s polling averages are currently giving the candidates vote totals of 22% and 21.5% respectively (at time of writing). The dense and divided field means that other candidates are also not too far behind: Pete Buttigieg at 15.5%, Elizabeth Warren at 14.4% and Amy Klobuchar with her late surge taking her to 10.2%.
Given Joe Biden’s history of questionable comments and invasions of personal space along with his generally dodgy history, I really do want Bernie Sanders to prevail in Iowa, New Hampshire and every other Democratic primary election — I’d much prefer Sanders over Biden as the 2020 nominee. I also hope that Elizabeth Warren does have the integrity to believe in the policy that she’s standing for — and so, as a result, I will for the rest of this article be assuming that she does believe in what she claims to.
So from now on, we’re considering Warren as a true progressive. There is no doubt in my mind, as a result, that it would be in line with her views and wishes to see Sanders as the nominee over Biden — and so she absolutely must drop out (and soon!). It is no secret that our comrade Sanders and our on/off lover Warren are battling over the party’s progressive vote — and so if she’d rather those progressive views that she espouses go on to win (and considering how unlikely she herself is to clinch the nomination) there is absolutely no other choice but to end her campaign and endorse Bernie Sanders — if she cares about moral integrity at all, of course.
I mean — look at Kamala Harris: her entry into the race was huge! She attracted powerful endorsements, subsequent town halls scored record viewing figures, and she was touted as a potential victor from the very beginning of her candidacy. I even half-backed Harris in early 2019, writing that Democratic voters would “be wrong to go for” other candidates. Yet her less than impressive fundraising figures forced her to drop out of the race in early December, proving that just because your campaign is attracting media attention does not necessarily mean that you should continue with it. For all her faults as a candidate, at least she knew a media sensation doesn’t make a campaign successful (I’m looking at you, Pete Buttigieg).
Just because your campaign is attracting media attention does not mean it’s a good idea to continue it. I understand, Liz, that you really do want this nomination and I understand you want this presidency — I get it! And I know you’re attracting decent fundraising numbers and I know you’ve consolidated your position as the well-prepared, cool, relatable mother who likes to call people up and film it for social media hits — but it appears like you simply do not have a chance. Even in your home state of Massachusetts (Super Tuesday), you are not the most likely to win.
And for all you funky #TeamWarren Lizzy supporters, I know it will hurt to lose your cool funky political mother. I know it might be painful to shift your vote to the man who didn’t but might have said “a woman couldn’t win”. But if you want those strong morals that you claim Liz has, you’re going to have to. And come on: you’ve got to admit that if he did say it (he didn’t) then he appears to have been right. Women just aren’t leading the polls this time around.
So off you go, Elizabeth Warren. You’re not a realistic option for victory — but thank you for your campaign. Time to drop out. The Bernie Antifa Regiment will see to it that Warren HQ has its assets transferred to the Socialist State of Bernie’s campaign wing, which will bear down on the America you so desperately wanted to lead. The Party is sorry your campaign has to end this way — but dropping out is the only way.
Your moral integrity really does depend on it.